The long hard road to increased blog traffic February 12, 2008

Original image courtesy Stock.XCHNG

The exponential increase in the number of blogs means that the blogsphere is becoming crowded, almost claustrophobic. We’re all competing for the same readers, but some of us are elbowing our blogs to the front. Here are some tips on how to travel the long hard road to increased blog traffic. They’re bound to work!

Presentation

No matter how good your content, it won’t be read unless it is well presented. It stands to reason, then, that good presentation will fool people into reading your blog even when it has no worthwhile content. Here are some ideas on how to optimise your presentation.

Make it hard to read

This may not seem such a great idea, but the truth is that people value most that which is hardest to obtain. The information in your blog should be like gold and diamonds – it should be difficult to dig out.

Spell creatively (or kre8if’lee)

People won’t visit your blog unless it has something unique to offer. Let your spelling draw them in.

Punctuate effectively

Add excitement – use lots of exclamation marks!!! Wow!!!!

Employ the best language (consider writing in Klingon)

If yours is the only blog of its kind, then its bound to be the most popular blog of its kind. If you write in an obscure language, you’ll be aiming for a really specialist market. If yours is the only blog written in Klingon, you’ll capture the entire Klingon-blog reading population!

By the way, isn’t that the most wonderful thing about the Internet? No matter how obscure or nerdy your hobby, there’s bound to be someone else out there who shares your interests. You may be a sad little geek, but at least you’re no longer alone.

So go on – go write your blog and be weird in company. You know you want to!

Interactivity

The way that people interact with your blog is determined by the way you interact with people. So treat them mean, and keep them keen.

Avoid reading other blogs

You don’t want to be accused of stealing their ideas, do you? The best defence is to have no ideas, and the best way to avoid those ideas is to avoid reading other people’s blogs.

The exception, of course, is demotiv8. But nothing else. Period.

Don’t answer reader’s comments

Don’t even read comments. Better still, don’t allow them. You are writing your blog, so you don’t want to encourage people to clog it up with their own thoughts.

Don’t comment in other people’s blogs

Why should they get all your insight and great ideas? Save them for your own blog. Naturally, you are free to comment on other people’s blogs. Naturally, you think they’re rubbish (except, naturally, demotiv8, which is perfect in every way).

Visibility

Unless people can find your blog they won’t read it. So, submit yourself to a full search, and make sure you’re publicly exposed.

Search engines

Make sure there are links to your blog from the following search engines:

• 404 Error
• Wikipedia – pick random articles and link them to your blog!

Create lots of blog

If there are lots of products in a shop that all cost the same, wouldn’t you pick the one that offers best value for money? Why not create lots and lots of really bad blogs, so that people naturally gravitate to your one good one?

Content

Leave out the meaningful content

Like a pleasant Sunday afternoon stroll to nowhere in particular can really revive the spirits, no? What better, then, than a long and meaningless ramble?

Talk about yourself

If your life was dull, you would live it differently, right? So it stands to reason that your life is very interesting. So tell the world about yourself, your hobbies and your cat. We can’t wait. Honestly.

Don’t post frequently

A mystery is exciting isn’t it? So, adding an aura of the unknown to your blog and you’ll really up the interest levels.

• Keep your readers guessing, obscure your meaning in jargon and hyperbole.
• Keep your readers in the dark by positing as infrequently as possible.
• Never reveal anything interesting in your posts.

To maximise the intrique, the very best thing is never to write a single post.

now, that would really impress us!

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